PEOPLE IN THE PLACE! IF YOU WANNA GET DOWN-AH!

...i be rockin', them, beats.

i'm starting to love hip hop and pop the more that Younglife forces me to listen to it. Younglife has forced me to do a lot of things in my life and i'm starting to realize that it's always for my own good. so i can't be too bitter. hah.

mmm! i have a new phone! and i'm going to start using it like a planner/organizer like a normal person would. i don't know WHY i haven't thought of doing that before. dumb.

this was the first weekend in awhile that i "manually" planned for myself...lately i've either had a trip planned or big events that i had to go to. and after tomorrow that will begin once more...i'm going to the Balloon Festival in Albuquerque next weekend and then College Weekend at Lost Canyon the weekend after that. it's been nice being able to do everyday stuff...like laundry. and cleaning. and reading.

also, i need a job. the only thing i can think of right now is a coffee shop type of thing, whether that be full-fledged Starbucks or like Barnes & Noble Starbucks status. not sure yet. but it's something that has become a necessity as of late.

hmmm i can't think of anything too thought provoking to bring up to keep you meditating for the rest of the day. i've been thinking about how i don't agree with the line drawn between what we call science and what we call art as a culture. i find science to be very artistic and beautiful and there is definitely a science to art as well. and as much as i love thinking about the two together in such a way, it saddens me to know that i will probably never be able to effectively get my point across on the matter. maybe one day i'll try.

for now, it's time for Yann Tiersen and some tea.

love!

my life vs. Life

my life in Phoenix as of September 13th, 2009 seems to be comprised of such things:

CD mixes
my Macbook
Soffes shorts
Hanes V-necks
classes/online articles
Younglife meetings/Club
parents' house/ sometimes Maddy
my phone
Cup of Noodles
Verner's ginger ale
fans on high speed due to...
heat
unstable drivers
never-ending laundry
small group
weekend after weekend either out of town or busy as eff
writing scripts
the endless fear of weight gain
baby powder
too many journals to keep up with
a barely-used guitar
books i want to read
4am Magazine
time i never spend the way i wish to

the last one i mentioned has been looming over my thoughts the most lately. sometimes i'll look back on my entire day and remember absolutely nothing significant taking place. i didn't seem to get anything done that i needed to or desired to, and for some time i didn't understand why that was. then there are times where my heart is in a completely different plane of thought and direction and i wonder whether anything i do at the moment is worth the time or the effort. i mentioned this to Tracey at my last small group, and she talked about how cracking down and just DOING what needs to be done rather than simply having intentions in that direction is something that she feels my entire generation struggles with. i realized a lot about myself that night in other ways as well...ways that i have been prideful and selfish without even being aware of it. long story short, you'll hopefully be seeing a more proactive and expressive Katelyn from now on, because the way i've been living life has barely been for anyone other than myself.

that's all for now. Leader Weekend at Lost Canyon was amazing, and i got some great tips about how to make Club even better and still remain energized to follow through with it every week.

i'm overall excited for the present and the future. i honestly see a few clouds and some darkness ahead...close enough to feel the effects of already...but i am running with no less speed and no less fervor toward Life and Love. and that direction always is, and forever will be, forward.

as always, i love you guys.

"The cure for pain is in the pain"

i knew the moment i picked up My Upmost For His Highest to use as a devotional that it would kick me in the pants. i knew it would be more relevant than i was comfortable with in my life and that i'd be tempted to put it on my bookshelf after about a week. well...yeah. i was right.

but i haven't given into my pride just yet, and there is a specific entry that i personally struggle with more than almost anything right now. maybe sharing it can bring others enlightenment on the subject as well:

God's Purpose or Mine?
We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God's purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.
[....] God is not working toward a particular finish -- His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea."
[....] God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

i'm realizing more and more that life is not about the events i fit into it or the opportunities i seize while i'm here. life isn't about goals. the purpose of life lies in the definition of life; processes, journeys, and lessons. goals only distract me from the beauty of my growth in the present.

i entitled this entry using quotes from one of my favorite bands, because growth and processes seem to go hand-in-hand with pain. and understanding pain is like trying to understand life; the cure for pain is in the pain, just as the purpose of life is in the definition of life.

just thought i'd share. time to get my Younglife on.

on Christ and Albuquerque.

first of all, i wish that my "profile picture" in this blog was one with me as a redhead, but i can't bring myself to change it. oh well.

second of all, God is out of control. always. once you finally lift both your feet off the ground and go where He takes you every minute of the day, you realize that He works in the biggest of ways through the littlest of circumstances. and sometimes those big ways are just the slightest tweak in thinking or acting, which feels small at the time but, if you stick to it, will change your entire life.

also, if nothing else has convinced me of the reality of Christ, the heart i feel inside me that is not mine has. i grow more and more capable of loving someone with an overflow of joy and seeing through their actions into the heart behind those actions. i am now willing and able to love [and therefore live] like Christ does...it's insane. i have had His eyes and His voice and His heart as my own when someone who has hurt me has looked at me in confusion and wonder as i've told them that i will never leave them or stop loving them and they are worth the struggle of being fought for like that. that is NOT Katelyn Lover...because Katelyn Lover would never let anyone in close enough to even love her, let alone hurt her. i can't say this change is less painful or more tangibly rewarding, but i can feel the significance of it with every breath i breathe into this heart.

some of those thoughts and revelations have come out of my weekend trip to Albuquerque, NM to visit some friends. the trip was decided on Wednesday, began Thursday night around 2am and ended last night around 3am. Missy, Rikki and i surprised them at UNM after their classes and then found time to hang out with them throughout the weekend. the trip consisted of such things as:

CD mixes played over and over again [if my CD player allowed].
sunrises over I-40.
going almost 90mph to get to our friends and some beds to sleep in.
planning all the ridiculous ways we could surprise them...we got pretty creative.
getting there and basically running inside to go sleep - i was shaking from being so tired!
driving to UNM, trying to find the friends, finally finding them and not surprising them as planned but surprising them nonetheless.
eating things such as cans of uncooked refried beans, Cup of Noodles, Fruit Snacks, and bananas.
only drinking water, ginger ale, or gatorade.
spooning each other awake and making each other feel awkward or uncomfortable on purpose...seriously the three of us girls reached a new level of bonding this weekend.
me packing like a retard and basically never wearing the right thing for what we did during the day.
NO ONE taking pictures...we were too busy actually having fun rather than taking pictures to prove to everyone else that we were having fun.
important and significant talks about all sorts of things.
four-wheeling, feeling the release and peace of freedom in driving them.
laying in grassy parks with closed eyes, listening to friends all around.
the evolution of new inside jokes and funny "you just had to be there" stories.
getting pulled over by d-bag cops for idiot reasons.
saying goodbye and driving home.
basically running inside to sleep again out of sheer exhaustion.
waking up happy to have gone and happy to be back.

so that's that. i love my Albuquerque friends and what they seem to teach me without even realizing it.

alright friends there is stuff i HAVE to do today before i'm in class all night. i love you dearly and wish you only the best.