some goals and dreams and memories.

i'm stealing this idea from Rikki...i've actually been thinking a lot lately about things i want to do before i can't anymore. not being able to walk really puts things into perspective in that way. so let's see...

[also, if it's in bold then i've done it already, and would probably be willing to do it again]

explore New York.
skydive.
go to/live in India.
personally lead someone to Christ.
get my nose pierced.
run through a meadow in a dress.
spend Christmas on the beach.
learn how to snowboard.
learn how to surf.
hike the Grand Canyon.
go whitewater rafting.
have a picnic in the woods.
write a book.
create/record music.
kiss a guy who didn't see it coming.
take a walk through Europe.
see my favorite band live.
go to a prestigious museum.
visit Woodstock.
learn how to tailor clothes.
take dance lessons.
work with kids.
love on someone in a way that they've never experienced before.
laugh until my ribs burn.
read all the Lord of the Rings books.
read all the Harry Potter books.
read all of Jane Austin's books.
throw the best wedding my friends have ever been to.
still laugh at my husband's jokes even when we're old and gray.
sit by a lake wrapped in a blanket to watch the sunrise.
drive a jet-ski.
dramatically help an organization or foundation.
go on a road trip with friends.
live in more than three states.
work with animals.
go to a ball.
slow dance in the street.
ride a horse on the beach.
paint the colors in my mind.
backpack through New Zealand.
serve at a Younglife camp.
pray/dance/kiss/laugh in a thunderstorm.
renew my vows with my husband.
be overwhelmed with love and respect for my husband's submission to God's will.
take a nap in the arms of someone i love.
learn how to cook.
buy my groceries, clothing, and jewelry in a foreign country.
travel with my ministry.

there are a lot more...i just can't think of anymore at the time. but i'll get through them for sure. :)

The Car Accident...

i'm sure most of you know the gist of what happened yesterday, but i wanted a general recap available for everyone to be on the same page.

i was on my way to go hiking at Thunderbird Mountain going about 45mph [in a 40mph zone]. i was going east on Deer Valley Rd., about 15-20 feet from the intersection at 75th Ave. when the light turned yellow. at that short of a distance i knew i could easily make it so i decided to keep going...there wasn't anyone in the intersection when i made that decision. but as i got closer to the intersection, a 17-year-old girl in a car going west on Deer Valley rolled into the intersection from the left turn lane and attempted to turn left [south on 75th Ave.] in front of me. she must have seen me because she came to an abrupt stop about a 45 degree angle in reference to my car. at that point i was too close to her to swerve or stop in time before i hit her. so i hit the front right side of her car head on with mine.

i stayed in my car because my shoulder hurt too bad for me to move it and my legs were killing me. eventually when the EMTs came i painfully got onto a stretcher and went to Arrowhead Hospital right down the road. my mom met us there and we got in and i got x-rayed [OW!] and was finally left alone in my room with my mom for awhile. i had been teary-eyed throughout the whole thing out of shock and pain, but when the nurse told me i had a clavicle fracture [broken collar bone] i sorta lost it. my blood pressure lowered [and i already have low blood pressure] and i just got really upset and couldn't stop crying. i've never broken or sprained anything in my life so it all came at me at once. but i eventually i settled down and started relaxing [thanks to the Vicodin haha]. unfortunately i was discharged right after getting comfortable so it was a painful process getting from the bed to the wheel chair, from the wheel chair to the car, and from the car to my living room. from there it's been a matter of hanging out with friends and family, watching movies and popping pills. hahah like i said i've never been hurt like this before but it could have been so much worse and i'm thankful for the little i've had to go through.

as far as whose fault it was, the cops can't say because there were no witnesses to back up either of the drivers' stories [the other girl said the light was red...?] so neither of us were cited. but we're considering hiring an attorney to build a case to get some money from her insurance company to pay for car expenses and what not, so hopefully that works out. it's just so that i'd be able to get a new car...not to screw anyone over just because we can. all i know, being completely honest, is that the light was not red when either of us entered the intersection, and she had to have seen me because she stopped a third of a way into her turn [probably freaking out]. if this had somehow been my fault, i'd say it. but it wasn't. and all my family needs is financial help in getting a new car for me, so i'm not afraid to make sure that happens.

also, it's been overwhelming seeing how many people love and care about me through this whole ordeal. i've never felt so incredibly loved by so many people. :)

count your blessings, friends. they're precious...including the perfect weather outside right now!! enjoy it for me.

love you all.

hey remember that one Saturday night i was home with nothing to do?

mmm...yep.

it's been a good week though. i've talked with people older and wiser than i about things i've been constantly mulling over in my mind and i've been given some great direction.

the desire to travel is surfacing in my heart again, and India finds me once more. Global Expeditions is going there again [at least this year], so i think it's time to actually start planning something realistic for next summer. and hey, if interning at Lost Canyon doesn't work out this summer, it could be that i'll be going there in a matter of months. God can do whatever He wants.

with this desire to travel is the slow and steady realization that i don't want to get married anytime soon. having so many of my friends get married in the white dresses with the colorful bridesmaids and the cute grooms put me in a pouty mood when it came to romance, and i felt crazy left out. some of my friends honestly didn't seem ready for it at all, so i wondered what my problem was that made me so inadequate for it. and it's now hitting me...i'm not inadequate for it right now, but IT is inadequate for ME right now. hahah i'm not saying i'm better than my married friends, i'm just saying it is clearly not in my near future and therefore i have more important things to be thinking about and pursuing in my life. i have some overseas/ministry adventures to conquer before the 'settling down' adventure begins. yet i do have to admit that i still tend to stare at diamond rings and wedding dresses and could probably plan my wedding in a month with all the thought i've already put into it.

for another day...

love ya kids. :)

oh-so-much!

a lot has happened the past week and a half or so...at least in my heart.

first off, in a crazy way God freed me from a heaviness in my heart that i thought i'd carry for the rest of my life...i'd already been carrying it for years now. it was a guilt and a doubt and an unexplainable longing for something that i knew in my soul wasn't meant for me, and i can now say that i am free of it. i can't praise Him enough.

then last weekend was College Weekend, and i can honestly say that it was one of the best weekends of the semester thus far. program was phenomenal, all the students kept the energy up and owned the entire weekend...leaders didn't have to do much at all except enjoy it all with them. the speaker Don had everyone crying pretty much the entire time because of how sincere and heartfelt his words were about the love of God and how that can change lives. then there was the fact that way too many of my friends were there with me...i was overwhelmed with joy at times.

our ASU West YL club is getting better and better...our leadership team is learning how to be on the same page and is hearing the calling to a higher standard in our efforts and our time. and i sort of love the fact that most of us are only about 21-years-old. we're just kids...we live with our parents, play video games, giggle about boys, eat junk food, dot our i's with hearts, set things on fire and then oh yeah lead people to Christ and cultivate the self-discovery of our generation. hahaha God is quirky and fantastic and goofy like that.



i also saw Where the Wild Things Are last night...it's not a movie for everyone but it reminded me a lot of how it was being a kid, which wasn't always easy. the dry dialogue cracked me up and i could tell they were writing it the way kids would talk to each other. it was also just beautiful...every shot could be a photograph. so would i recommend it? well...if you still live out of your inner child or simply love kids, then definitely. if you're looking for a cool indie film with profound messages OR a movie to take kids to, then you'll probably be disappointed. it's all in what you expect.

hmm also i'm sick, and that's not okay. let's hope that ends soon.

carpe diem.

The Pre-Chorus

if my life were a song, i am entering the pre-chorus, preparing for the chorus after so many verses of trying to understand. and once the chorus comes, everything unimportant fades, the simplest and beautiful and important chords ring out while my existence is finally fulfilled and the song finally reaches its meaning.

i feel so much change coming my way, both in myself and in my surroundings. for the first time in my life, i understand why people fear all of this.

one thing about the pre-chorus is that this is the time when the minor chords come out and the energy is building toward a point unknown; if there were words, they would be emotional and frustrated and vulnerable.

this isn't the first pre-chorus i've been through, and my life has been filled to the brim of verses. i have also witnessed some beautiful choruses composed perfectly with everything leading up to it, even when i was lost in it all.

part of me hopes more than anything that at the end of it all, it will mean something.

part of me hopes more than anything that at the end of it all, it will be beautiful.

part of me hopes more than anything that at the end of it all, someone will see it.

part of me hopes more than anything that at the end of it all, someone will use it.