at first i thought i didn't really have anything to write about, but then WHOAAA thought after thought flooded my mind and i decided it was blogging time for some of them. maybe all of them. we'll see how far i get until i'm asleep...
i spent the weekend in California with Chad and his family, and it was so much fun! not in a "fairly tolerable, if i dare say" sort of way [compliments to Mr. Darcy for the wonderful quote], but in a real enjoyable way that brought me closer to both Chad and his family. i saw the ways he and his dad are similar in their carefree and goofy [yet entirely aware and competent] lifestyles and the way his mom is both strong and sensitive toward those around her. plus i got to meet the entirety of his dad's side of the family and they're all awesome in their own ways. i feel like i could have a great and intellectual conversation with his cousin Drew, laugh my heart out with his uncle Troy or have a ridiculous girls night with his mom and aunts. it was such a blessing being invited into a family's rare everyone-together experiences like that and i'll be forever thankful for it. :)
we got to go to the beach for a little bit on Saturday, and i felt so incredibly at home. the smell, the everlasting salty breeze, the constant echo of the waves on the soft sand...i could spend forever in that moment. i grew up on the east coast beaches, but the west coast has its own special place in my heart too.
and with that, i progress into my next subject...i am incredibly torn when it comes to the type of place i want to grow up in or raise my children in. there's the Southeast, the Southwest, and the Northwest that specifically call out to me.
the Southeast...or should i say the South...is my emotional-childhood home. the humidity and the front porches and the lazy accents make up my sanctuary. one of my favorite things to do is to visit my family there and go back to where i came from. things don't change much there, and i love it that way. it's safe that way.
then there's the Southwest, which is my physical-childhood home. i went to elementary school and high school [and now college] here. sometimes it feels like the perfect home to have...almost any type of American landscape and weather is within a six-hour drive. Phoenix offers the perks of a fast-paced and competitive city while its suburbs stay fairly quiet and comfortable. it's pretty moderate when it comes to the distribution of political views...no one's voice is stifled. the summers can feel like death but that just leads to more water park weekends and pool parties. you never feel like you're missing out on life. that's not even mentioning Colorado and its staggering beauty and glory.
and then there's the Northwest, which is the area my soul truly does resonate with. the grey and rainy skies keep the coffee shops nice and toasty and the musicians contemplative in their song-writing. though fairly liberal, its occupants challenge the mind and free the spirit through leading by example..."Keep Portland Weird" is a great bumper sticker to describe what i mean by this. the clothes, the music, the weather, the culture...it's me to the Nth degree. if i moved there i'd be tempted to never come back.
i want a beach house in California...a cabin in Flagstaff...an apartment in Seattle...a three-bedroom house in Phoenix and a beach house/cabin combo in Florida or the Carolinas. i want it all. and that's just America...i want to be in Northern Europe with a hint of everything else as well. i want the world to be my house.
i know God intends to have me settle down...everything points to it. but where? where it's safe? where it's fun and lively? where it's beautiful? where i feel like everyone else is like me? where i can find a job or a house? where my husband wants to go? where my family is?
sometimes i feel like my heart's too big. it has too many aspects of desire and love. oh and also, this is where synesthesia sucks, because every place has its colors and i have to live with not only the place but those colors as well for the rest of my life. what if i don't want orange around that long? what if blue gets too mundane?
this is probably the most selfish blog of all time, and i am fully aware that any decision i make like this one once i get married will be a team effort and two-person conclusion. but it's still a trip to think about how much i love and want for a home. i'm not one to assume "oh i'll just stay here" and make it happen. yeah right. i couldn't be like that even if i tried.
but i know Who's in charge at the end of the day, so i'll take His cues and go from there.
hmmm what else...oh yeah. my sister wrote a blog about sex and it was really great. she made a joke about the fact that not many people have waited until marriage for it [which was in no way judgemental], and it made me think about the fact that i live in one of the rarest houses i've ever heard of. first of all, a house full of five unmarried girls in their twenties would be an abomination less than a century ago. second of all, the fact that the majority of us have genuinely loved Jesus 85% of our lives and have not had sex [with plenty of opportunities, since we're not ogres] makes us even more of a conundrum. take tonight for example...four of us spent the summer night together in a candlelit backyard, with the Village soundtrack playing, and with hookah and beer. i can hardly name five other people i know of who'd naturally do all of those things at the same time, to a responsible extent, and then also love Jesus with us. we're the girls who love action movies just as much as romantic comedies, who listen to Blindside and Iron & Wine and Kelly Clarkson all in the same playlist, who wear dangly earrings and chucks, and who have a serious affinity for colors and movie soundtracks. we are the irony and humor of God Himself in female form to challenge the way society thinks. welcome. two of us are still single and we're goin' by fast. :P
i think i'll hate myself if i don't try to sleep at this point. sweet dreams America.
