That specific shot captures what I refer to as "the edge of the abyss", where I fancy myself called by Him to meet people in search of healing. A blog post explaining more of that can be found >>here<< if you're new and intrigued.
I recently picked up a book I've been meaning to read for years called The Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. I read most of it the night I bought it and have had tears in my eyes more than once because of it. Henri wrote this for a good friend of his who asked him to write about the spiritual life for himself and his friends, all secular entrepreneurs in New York City. It is a no-nonsense take on the spiritual side of the human condition, where Someone finds us and abides with us in our deepest parts.
Here's an excerpt that has stuck with me:
"Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along and give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: 'May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.' But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death.
Well, you and I don't have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children, and friends loved or wounded us. That's the truth of our lives. That's the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That's the truth spoken by the voice that says, 'You are my Beloved.'
Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say:
'I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, in you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own as I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse...yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one.'"
That excerpt reminded me of another book called Sit, Walk, Stand by Watchman Nee, in which Nee emphasizes the necessity of spiritually resting in Christ before ever attempting work. Moving forward in that position of rest can be thought of as how you move forward in a car, sitting still but making forward progress. We must know we are accepted and justified in Him first and foremost; there is nothing to earn, there is no work to be done for those ends. That is how we experience "the Living Water" of His presence, after which we'll never thirst again, and how we can be called to "never worry about anything" (Philippians 4:6) because nothing that comes our way has the power to rob us of our identity or our rest.
I was going to go into how I've applied that truth to my own life, and perhaps encourage you to do the same, but the more I wrote the less I felt movement behind it, so I'm stopping there. Lord knows I didn't need help deciding how those truths should hit my heart. So take them as you wish, and pull me aside to talk about them if you feel like working it out more.
In the meantime, rest. Even in your chaos.
Pay attention to the voice that rarely calls glamorous attention to itself. That's where these truths are.
And sit with your innermost self, taking note of your own body-to-soul conversations, and Who is there with you in those depths.
I wholeheartedly believe that to be the sacred ground of His true work on this earth.
