Bebo, updates, and hymns.

take my time here on this earth

and let it glorify all that You are worth
for i have nothing, i have nothing
without You

this verse of Bebo Norman's song always speaks to my soul. it can be applied to my heart and life at any point in my walk with Christ...in times of gladness and times of despair. today it spoke to me during a time of regret and heartache. it reminds me that my life is not my own, and if it were, it would be worthless. that knowledge anchors me in Truth.

on a brighter note, i have some exciting adventures coming my way...

in a little under two months, i'll be here:


seeing them:


and though i didn't get the ropes internship at Lost Canyon i wanted, i was asked to be an intern in the kitchen! so in a little under three months, i'll be here:


making these:


and doing this:

and leading these:


but for now, i'll be with these:


and be as content as can be. :)

when Satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within
upward i'll look, and see Him there
Who made and end of all my sin

adulthood is great. growing up sucks.

though blogging is a farely new concept for me, online journaling is not. i've been doing so for the past eight years.

one of the most bittersweet pastimes i can find myself in is going through those old entries. man.

i used to be so incredibly sure of myself. granted, i would fall on my butt every time reality showed up, but still...i miss that confidence.

i miss having the courage to say "i love you." i know we graduate from high school and grow up and talk all this big talk about how it was stupid to think we were old enough for that as teenagers, but i can't help missing that "i know everything" stage. life seemed so simple and limitless.

as God shows me what it means to be His disciple and to be an adult, i find myself going through the process of literally dying to myself over and over again. i can't have the salary i want with the job i'm called to? i can't be swept off my feet in the perfect way by the perfect guy? i can't feel like the most beautiful thing ever created every single moment of my life? people will fail me? leave me? reject me? i can't do what i want even if i jump through Your hoops?

i wish i could go back in time and tell myself what i know now...that within five years, the guy i'm saying "i love you" to will be off marrying someone else, and i'll never speak to him again. that within six years, i'll understand exactly why i felt restless and depressed most of the time, and that it is mostly because i was oddly comfortable in that state of mind. that within seven years, i'll not only let go of my cynicism toward society, but allow its broken suffering bring me to my knees in tears. that within eight years, i will have the same fears and struggles as i did back then, but i will learn to swallow my frustration and disappointment in myself to continue facing them and conquering them.

i wish i could've told myself that life is not something to react to but to actively choose on a daily basis.

at least i know now, right? hah.

of Lee Pace and swimming pools.

new look, title, font, and picture for da blog. you like?

friday nights are the only nights i can shamelessly stay up as long as i want. tonight's adventure included friends, Mexican food, and my first time experiencing Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.


it's one of those movies that everyone recommended, but something kept me from wanting to see it until i was doing so alone. it was entirely worth it...i may or may not have cried. you'll never know. :) i think what i loved most about it is how i could relate to both Miss Pettigrew and Delysia; an old, weary soul and a flippant naive spirit. in the end, the weary finds hope and the flighty finds anchoring. satisfying indeed. also, i hate Lee Pace for obvious reasons.


...ugh.

anyway, i have a feeling 2011 is going to kick me in the pants. it already has, really. it's as if God is looking me in the eye, saying something along the lines of "you ready?"

me: "no. but go for it."

Tracey used the great picture of someone being pushed into the deep end of the swimming pool to learn how to swim. i like the shallow end...i always have my bearings, i can press my feet up against the floor to rest when i'm uncomfortable, and teaching others to swim is easy and systematic. yay. the deep end requires swimming even when i'm tired, and teaching others to swim feels hopeless because i'm struggling with it myself. nay.

"but go for it."

there's plenty to distract me from facing such discomfort and vulnerability. i have plenty of doors leading away from the challenge, and even have a few friends tempting me toward them unknowingly.

"but go for it."

because i am tired of my own plans falling short of the life i ache for...my arm cannot reach as far as my eye can see. i am tired of the fear i feel and the regret i avoid and the pain i bear when i consider the thought of my life in flawed hands. He calls me in. He shows me the next step. i swallow back a bad taste in my mouth and my heart starts quickening.

i have no reason to fear. i have no enemy to thwart me.

so i'll go for it.

my Friday night should probably end now.

love. :)