i didn't want anything for Christmas...God didn't care. :)

this was another Christmas full of comfy socks and family fun. my dad was finally able to get Christmas off, so we were able to celebrate yesterday rather than Christmas Eve or even the day before like we've had to do in the past.

i don't even know where to begin with everything that has changed in my life since last year. seriously...i was perfectly content and then God felt like giving me more for some reason. life has never been as self-defining as it is this very moment.

let's start in January. i started a difficult but influential semester in school...i took classes like Applied Ethics, Developmental Psych and Forgiveness & Reconciliation and i still remember specific concepts that have re-shaped my thinking on those subjects, including how i apply my faith to them. all the while i was growing even closer to my friends and making new ones as well. the months following included six-hour studying sessions at Starbucks, late-night conversations with friends about all sorts of things, moving into the cutest and nicest and best-roommate-infested house all for the cheapest rent, hiking hiking hiking, and an all-night trip to the Grand Canyon.

once the semester was over, it was turning into a fantastic summer already. a lot of swimming action, a lot of tanning ATTEMPTS, and a whole whole lot of friends. this is also when i dyed my hair red, which i already blogged about. that was a huge deal for me, haha.

soon enough July came along and i found myself driving up to Lost Canyon to be there for an entire month...never saw that coming. it ended up being one of the coolest months of my life where God wrecked me and built me up and wrecked me some more. i think everyone can attest to the fact that i did not come home the same person and am still utterly changed from that experience. this is when i met some ridiculous people from Albuquerque that i sometimes love and sometimes hate calling my friends. :P

school began again shortly after that, and when school begins, Younglife begins. i was determined to make this a semester of Clubs to remember, and was pretty much engrossed in one thing or another during every Club to make it absolutely perfect. as i was doing so, God decided to put my life on hold with a huge car accident that banged me up pretty bad...i still have to go to physical therapy for it. but yeah totally consuming myself with making Club awesome? that's the way i roll. and because of that, i didn't notice that there were two guys who were coming to every Club from Pure Heart Christian Fellowship's college group to check out what we do and become part of it; David and Chad. somehow without my knowledge, all of my friends were becoming friends with them and some started going to their college service as well.

i never knew either of them existed until i got a Facebook friend request from Chad...i didn't recognize him or know him but he was mutually friends with all of my Younglife friends so i accepted it. the next Wednesday i ended up being able to walk JUST enough to go to Club for awhile with Missy, and at one point she randomly had Chad right next to her and said "Katelyn, you should meet Chad. i think you two would have interesting conversations." haha that's Missy for ya. so i did meet him in person and we DID have an interesting conversation...it transferred to Facebook once i left Club and soon transferred to texts which then became talking to Chad everyday about everything. we started hanging out one or two times a week annnnnnd people started noticing of course. at first i wasn't sure what to say when people asked me about it...i didn't know him REALLY well so i didn't know if he considered himself becoming friends with a girl he thought was cool or if he had more on his mind and in his heart when we hung out. and because of that, i wasn't sure how i felt either. i'm not one to willingly harbor feelings for a guy if he's not on the same page...that's just unintelligent. so a big fat "I DON'T KNOW" was given to anyone who even mentioned his name in conversation with me.

then with the help of my lovely friend Rachel Patton, i found out Chad did indeed have feelings for me. at that point i could honestly admit that i was starting to have those feelings too and got excited about it! after that we hung out more and more and people asked about it more and more and we actually talked to each other several times about where we were at and what our intentions were with this. and NOWWWWW he's my boyfriend. YAY. his side of the story is ridiculously wonderful and makes me feel even luckier to have ended up with a guy like him. :) also, i never thought i'd find a guy...let alone any other person on the planet...whose favorite band is also Copeland and whose favorite food is also seafood. random and silly, those are just a few of the things that make him pretty darn perfect for me. :) he was definitely an unexpected Christmas present that came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face with wonderfulness.

those are the highlights of my year. God did work in painful, unexpected and wonderful ways. He gives me every reason to live my life for Him.

Merry Christmas my friends. i hope your year was full of as much growth as mine was.

"this is my prayer in the harvest..."

i get to go Christmas shopping today with my mom. :) i like her a lot. and i like shopping a lot. and i like Christmas a lot. so today will be fun.

i like God a lot too, especially when i could never have predicted the stuff happening in my life that He puts there. one day i am as content with life as i could be, and the next day something amazing is right in my face that i never even allowed myself to think was COMPLETELY possible.

i've messed up so many times. i've been a "good girl" my entire life but i've messed up so, many, times. i don't deserve my parents. i don't deserve my friends. and i CERTAINLY don't deserve Christ even knowing my name, let alone caring about me, let alone loving me more than anything, let alone stepping in front of me when i should have died for my sins. i don't deserve this life. and yet God incessantly overwhelms me with blessing after blessing after blessing. i never thought i could glorify Him in so many ways. not that i always do, but i have the neverending opportunity to do so with all that He has given me.

i know it's not about "not messing up." i know this isn't a test to see how far i can get before i fail. but i can't describe how terrified i am of screwing up once again...totally tainting a gift of God's because of my human condition. i've already learned and grown in awesome ways but i can't say with full confidence that i will prevail.

i'm praying my heart out over this. for now it's time to go.

love you all. :)

and i am sure that i've not seen the Christmas lights this bright before. :D

so i've already gotten to go to Zoolights AND Glendale Glitters this year! Zoolights was my favorite as it always is, but i'm really happy that i got to do both. :D

it's raining outside. and it's cold. i'm rather okay with it.

oh and if i end up being able to go back to Berean, i found out three of my friends who worked there with me years ago are coming back too! it could be awesome for sure! and my old assistant manager is now the store manager, so that could change things up a bit and i'm excited even more! :)

this is a short one. i need to do homework.

until next time! :)

oh winter. :)

i think i might stay in my leggings and hoodie and headband and look like an 80s aerobic instructor all day. it's too comfortable not to.

other than that, life could only get better if i could hike! once i can do that...i'm not sure how i'll handle the joy. hah. as far as healing is concerned, i am virtually functioning like a normal person but some stuff still hurts to do and i can't be on my ankle or knee for too terribly long. all i care about is being able to walk again! and i can! God is too awesome. :)

as the fall semester of Younglife comes to a close, i'm starting to do an overall debriefing of how clubs went in my mind. we just recently had a little brainstorming time about big changes we can/should make for next semester and i'm interested to see how those play out. sometimes it feels like a code to crack or a puzzle to assemble...i feel like there is a crucial concept that we are all aware of but haven't quite harnessed or applied yet. with all that it is really easy to lose sight of my fellow leaders, the students we're reaching, and the One who's making this happen for His own glory. yeah...i need to really work on being more people-oriented than project-oriented, it seems. but i AM so proud of the work we've all put into this ministry as an offering of our best quality to Him. we've all worked so hard and He's worked so amazingly through us. :D

hmm i can't think of anything else to say except that i LOVE Christmas and i pray so hard that i'll get a job in time to buy everyone i love something, because giving people things is my favorite. :) i'd seriously do it all year long but people would get uncomfortable and awkward, unfortunately. so i wait until Christmas to shower them with things. yay. speaking of Christmas, it's coming alive in my house this very moment! all the smells and the music and the lights...i think i might have to do Zoolights this year because of how happy it always makes me. and i get to wear my jackets and scarves. YAY.

that's enough for now. time to live in the moments i write about.

ALWAYS, i love you friends!

We are sheep.

i have a lot on my mind. thoughts of philosophy, psychology, habits, fears, truth, myself, others...i have no idea where to start.

let's start with this one: no one should ever think they know the will of God beyond a shadow of a doubt. that level of pride makes me sick to my stomach. am i suggesting God does not direct our path, and in that way show us His will for our lives? no i'm not saying that at all. i'm saying that even when we think we have the clearest of revelations, the strongest of callings, the utmost of urges in any direction, we must be humble enough to realize that we are only human. it very well may be what God wants, and it very well may not be. the human body is mysterious in how it responds to the world...what you think is His message could be your own desires and state of mind working together [not to mention the enemy] to show you a message God has no intentions of fulfilling. i've seen friends' hearts broken over what they KNEW would happen that never did...they 'felt' God so much through it all and can't understand what went wrong and why He failed them, or why He told them lies about what He had planned for them.
i'm not sure how long of a rant i want this to be, so i don't know how deeply i should go in my response to this. let's start here:
- God is good
- He fulfills His will and His will alone
- we are human with complex brains and complex hearts
- we are flawed, no matter how wonderful our intentions may be
given those premises, we should always, always, ALWAYS bring our 'revelations' and 'feelings' to God Himself. i've sometimes been so utterly convinced that God would satisfy a certain desire in my heart a certain way...it came to me as 'a calling from God' and it made my heart do happy somersaults at the thought of it. even when i brought it to Him i sensed nothing calling me away from it. and in my gnawing impatience, fixation and starvation for that specific event/person, i was missing the life right in front of me He had a will for. i was so bent on 'God's will being fulfilled!' that i was blind to Him truly fulfilling my will.
put frankly, we're not big enough, smart enough, cool enough, weird enough, wise enough, or unfathomable enough to know what He's thinking and planning for us at any given moment. we're stupid people with our stupid logic and REALLY stupid thoughts and emotions. let's start owning our stupidity and hang onto Him LITERALLY for dear life. we are sheep. we will never know the intentions and wisdom of our Shepherd. we need repeated, consistent, minute-by-minute guidance that we must incessantly pray for while living in the reality of our human condition.

we are not pure enough to discern between phantom and reality. question everything.

even if our answer is that it is from Him, we are not wise enough to separate His answer to our question from what we personally believe that answer to imply about what He wants. assume nothing.

this is how Christ lived...He never assumed the Father's will. He never had a plan. His next step was only as far ahead as a footstep's length.

all i know is that if Christ was that humble, i have no excuse.

i'm on my second helping of Pride & Prejudice...it's been less than twelve hours since i last watched it. there's just NOTHING wrong with it in any aspect of a film...it is brilliant and beautiful and cleanses my soul with its quality. plus i'll probably have to read academic blahblahblah for the rest of the day for classes, so i'm indulging myself for a few hours before that marathon begins.

as far as healing goes, it's been a slow and [literally] painful process, but it is taking less and less [in terms of pills, ice, pillows, etc.] to make me comfortable. and in two days i'm seeing my doctor again to see if walking will happen soon. i might try to go to class next week anyway, at least the one that greatly involves in-class discussions that i've missed two weeks of. i've been experimenting with how much i'm physically able to do. i'll try to stand up and keep my balance, i'll do what i'm doing now which is typing with two hands, trying to use the good muscles in my left arm and not let them go to waste just because that collarbone is broken/mending/sensitive. i refuse to pretend i'm a vegetable, but at the same time i do believe there's a reason why God took my mobility away for awhile, and why i am perfectly healthy other than that. not that i actually know that reason, but i know that making the most out of this situation will fulfill that reason. that's why i'm trying to focus on school and my family [who have been SO great in being with me through all of this]. i have been given the time and the relative solitude to do so, so...i'm doing it. hahah.

that's all for now...i need to soak in some more Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet.

good day to you, sir.

some goals and dreams and memories.

i'm stealing this idea from Rikki...i've actually been thinking a lot lately about things i want to do before i can't anymore. not being able to walk really puts things into perspective in that way. so let's see...

[also, if it's in bold then i've done it already, and would probably be willing to do it again]

explore New York.
skydive.
go to/live in India.
personally lead someone to Christ.
get my nose pierced.
run through a meadow in a dress.
spend Christmas on the beach.
learn how to snowboard.
learn how to surf.
hike the Grand Canyon.
go whitewater rafting.
have a picnic in the woods.
write a book.
create/record music.
kiss a guy who didn't see it coming.
take a walk through Europe.
see my favorite band live.
go to a prestigious museum.
visit Woodstock.
learn how to tailor clothes.
take dance lessons.
work with kids.
love on someone in a way that they've never experienced before.
laugh until my ribs burn.
read all the Lord of the Rings books.
read all the Harry Potter books.
read all of Jane Austin's books.
throw the best wedding my friends have ever been to.
still laugh at my husband's jokes even when we're old and gray.
sit by a lake wrapped in a blanket to watch the sunrise.
drive a jet-ski.
dramatically help an organization or foundation.
go on a road trip with friends.
live in more than three states.
work with animals.
go to a ball.
slow dance in the street.
ride a horse on the beach.
paint the colors in my mind.
backpack through New Zealand.
serve at a Younglife camp.
pray/dance/kiss/laugh in a thunderstorm.
renew my vows with my husband.
be overwhelmed with love and respect for my husband's submission to God's will.
take a nap in the arms of someone i love.
learn how to cook.
buy my groceries, clothing, and jewelry in a foreign country.
travel with my ministry.

there are a lot more...i just can't think of anymore at the time. but i'll get through them for sure. :)

The Car Accident...

i'm sure most of you know the gist of what happened yesterday, but i wanted a general recap available for everyone to be on the same page.

i was on my way to go hiking at Thunderbird Mountain going about 45mph [in a 40mph zone]. i was going east on Deer Valley Rd., about 15-20 feet from the intersection at 75th Ave. when the light turned yellow. at that short of a distance i knew i could easily make it so i decided to keep going...there wasn't anyone in the intersection when i made that decision. but as i got closer to the intersection, a 17-year-old girl in a car going west on Deer Valley rolled into the intersection from the left turn lane and attempted to turn left [south on 75th Ave.] in front of me. she must have seen me because she came to an abrupt stop about a 45 degree angle in reference to my car. at that point i was too close to her to swerve or stop in time before i hit her. so i hit the front right side of her car head on with mine.

i stayed in my car because my shoulder hurt too bad for me to move it and my legs were killing me. eventually when the EMTs came i painfully got onto a stretcher and went to Arrowhead Hospital right down the road. my mom met us there and we got in and i got x-rayed [OW!] and was finally left alone in my room with my mom for awhile. i had been teary-eyed throughout the whole thing out of shock and pain, but when the nurse told me i had a clavicle fracture [broken collar bone] i sorta lost it. my blood pressure lowered [and i already have low blood pressure] and i just got really upset and couldn't stop crying. i've never broken or sprained anything in my life so it all came at me at once. but i eventually i settled down and started relaxing [thanks to the Vicodin haha]. unfortunately i was discharged right after getting comfortable so it was a painful process getting from the bed to the wheel chair, from the wheel chair to the car, and from the car to my living room. from there it's been a matter of hanging out with friends and family, watching movies and popping pills. hahah like i said i've never been hurt like this before but it could have been so much worse and i'm thankful for the little i've had to go through.

as far as whose fault it was, the cops can't say because there were no witnesses to back up either of the drivers' stories [the other girl said the light was red...?] so neither of us were cited. but we're considering hiring an attorney to build a case to get some money from her insurance company to pay for car expenses and what not, so hopefully that works out. it's just so that i'd be able to get a new car...not to screw anyone over just because we can. all i know, being completely honest, is that the light was not red when either of us entered the intersection, and she had to have seen me because she stopped a third of a way into her turn [probably freaking out]. if this had somehow been my fault, i'd say it. but it wasn't. and all my family needs is financial help in getting a new car for me, so i'm not afraid to make sure that happens.

also, it's been overwhelming seeing how many people love and care about me through this whole ordeal. i've never felt so incredibly loved by so many people. :)

count your blessings, friends. they're precious...including the perfect weather outside right now!! enjoy it for me.

love you all.

hey remember that one Saturday night i was home with nothing to do?

mmm...yep.

it's been a good week though. i've talked with people older and wiser than i about things i've been constantly mulling over in my mind and i've been given some great direction.

the desire to travel is surfacing in my heart again, and India finds me once more. Global Expeditions is going there again [at least this year], so i think it's time to actually start planning something realistic for next summer. and hey, if interning at Lost Canyon doesn't work out this summer, it could be that i'll be going there in a matter of months. God can do whatever He wants.

with this desire to travel is the slow and steady realization that i don't want to get married anytime soon. having so many of my friends get married in the white dresses with the colorful bridesmaids and the cute grooms put me in a pouty mood when it came to romance, and i felt crazy left out. some of my friends honestly didn't seem ready for it at all, so i wondered what my problem was that made me so inadequate for it. and it's now hitting me...i'm not inadequate for it right now, but IT is inadequate for ME right now. hahah i'm not saying i'm better than my married friends, i'm just saying it is clearly not in my near future and therefore i have more important things to be thinking about and pursuing in my life. i have some overseas/ministry adventures to conquer before the 'settling down' adventure begins. yet i do have to admit that i still tend to stare at diamond rings and wedding dresses and could probably plan my wedding in a month with all the thought i've already put into it.

for another day...

love ya kids. :)

oh-so-much!

a lot has happened the past week and a half or so...at least in my heart.

first off, in a crazy way God freed me from a heaviness in my heart that i thought i'd carry for the rest of my life...i'd already been carrying it for years now. it was a guilt and a doubt and an unexplainable longing for something that i knew in my soul wasn't meant for me, and i can now say that i am free of it. i can't praise Him enough.

then last weekend was College Weekend, and i can honestly say that it was one of the best weekends of the semester thus far. program was phenomenal, all the students kept the energy up and owned the entire weekend...leaders didn't have to do much at all except enjoy it all with them. the speaker Don had everyone crying pretty much the entire time because of how sincere and heartfelt his words were about the love of God and how that can change lives. then there was the fact that way too many of my friends were there with me...i was overwhelmed with joy at times.

our ASU West YL club is getting better and better...our leadership team is learning how to be on the same page and is hearing the calling to a higher standard in our efforts and our time. and i sort of love the fact that most of us are only about 21-years-old. we're just kids...we live with our parents, play video games, giggle about boys, eat junk food, dot our i's with hearts, set things on fire and then oh yeah lead people to Christ and cultivate the self-discovery of our generation. hahaha God is quirky and fantastic and goofy like that.



i also saw Where the Wild Things Are last night...it's not a movie for everyone but it reminded me a lot of how it was being a kid, which wasn't always easy. the dry dialogue cracked me up and i could tell they were writing it the way kids would talk to each other. it was also just beautiful...every shot could be a photograph. so would i recommend it? well...if you still live out of your inner child or simply love kids, then definitely. if you're looking for a cool indie film with profound messages OR a movie to take kids to, then you'll probably be disappointed. it's all in what you expect.

hmm also i'm sick, and that's not okay. let's hope that ends soon.

carpe diem.