farewell.

well, it happened.

four albums, three EPs and a few projects here and there later, one of the most talented and loved bands i have ever had the pleasure of listening to is breaking up.

Copeland.

my blood's musical saline when i feel weak, my ears' salve when they've been burned with lesser noise, my spirit's meadow of wild grass i've run through so many times with God.

this band has truly changed my life. they taught me about love, life, pain, hope, and faith at a time in my life when so many other things could have infected my soul for the worse. one verse into the first song of their's i ever heard and i was hooked, and have been so for seven years. seven long and happy years.

farewell, my most beloved group of musicians. never stop loving music.

i dedicate your own song to you:

"no weapon formed against me shall remain."

i can be a pretty intense person...if i'm given a hypothetical scenario or question, i think through it thoroughly and imagine every possible outcome or happenstance. including natural disasters destroying it all. :P kidding.

this intensity gains momentum when i'm given a real-life scenario, such as Younglife club. i think that's why i've been asked to be so involved in that weekly process...i think about it like crazy. but this intensity and momentum can be toxic when i'm given a difficult circumstance to overcome, because i cannot fully get over it until i've explored it thoroughly. i can't forgive it until i know all of what i'm forgiving.

sometimes it feels like too big of a mountain to climb. i think "oh, it looked smaller when it was mentioned way back then." "oh, i didn't realize there would be caves and nooks all over it that i'd have to venture into as well." "i wouldn't have to do this with someone different." "how can a person have truly separated themselves from something like this? it's HUGE!!"

sometimes i feel like that person is miles ahead of me, waiting for me to catch up and wondering what's taking me so long. "just GET OVER IT as quickly as possible for everyone's sakes. there's no reason to dwell and stay there longer than you have to." that's not a direct quote, but that's the general vibe i get.

then i feel like getting crazy bitter. "it's YOUR FAULT i'm here in the first place!!" "do you see this place? do you see how messed up it is? how can YOU have forgiven yourself of all of this if you think it's so incredibly easy for me to do so??" "feel free to find some crazy forgiveness ATHLETE who can jog this thing as quickly and shallowly as you clearly prefer, and i'll leave. sorry for wasting your time."

enter: Jesus

hahahahahahahah. i'm messed up. i just laugh at myself.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:1

For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.

Romans 8:29-30

He can move the mountains, and He did. He was there when this person was building this particular one, dirt pile after dirt pile, year after year. He was there when this person dug out those caves and nooks to hide even more so from Him. and He was there to destroy it when this person's heart for Him could not be dammed anymore. He released the floodgates of His love and created a new life on the foundation of justice and glory, which He had predestined and called from the very beginning.

that's why this person wonders why i'm wandering around on this mountain that doesn't exist anymore. they may have some scars and stories from it, proving that it did exist at one point, but all that's left are rocks and dust that the wind has swept away, only to be learned from for the better.

like i said, i can be a pretty intense person. you tell me there was a mountain, i'll form it in my mind and take a tour until i know it fully. God has used this metasystem of thoughts for His glory, but it is not appropriate in every single situation. it is not appropriate when i am meant to trust His judgment and forgiveness on a mountain that He knows fully. it is not appropriate when the person i see in front of me now has virtually no mountains in their way and no intention of ever making one again; when the person i see in front of me has been set free and made new.

this had been eating away at me, emotionally draining me and distancing me from those whom God has powerfully placed in my life.

but if i fight back, not with my own understanding but with the sword of His Word, no weapon formed against me shall remain.

God is my victory.

mm.

a profoundly new chapter of my life is beginning.

i assume it's with the same bittersweetness that a person has when they have an arm or a leg surgically amputated. keeping it would've eventually led to death, and it could no longer add to their quality of life [only lessen it], but losing it feels instinctively wrong. it leaves a hole in the person's soul, regardless of how necessary its removal was. a new way of living is inevitable.

i pray to God that i'm ready for it.

You will be my wings.

i should use more visuals in my blogs...they're fun to see in everyone else's blogs.

so. on a lighter note than my last blog, this has been in my head for the past few months off and on, and i feel like sharing it. it's a kid's movie love song that probably every girl my age has seen and owned at some point...

yay. so like i said the love song in it that is the foundation for almost every other song in the movie is one that i've always loved for its unique melody and wonderful imagery. yes, i thought of these things even as a seven-year-old with blonde bedhead watching the movie at 6am on a Saturday morning. for those who can't recall it from memory, enjoy...

yay again. well i don't love this song because it's the most realistic or romantic thing i've ever heard...if it were to actually be sung between two people, i'd probably throw up. i love it because this song actually IS a reality for me, and it has been for nine years strong now.

He captured my heart and i was brought to my shaking knees in awe and wonder. i didn't understand a love like that...how could every dream, wish, and passion i had be satisfied by a single source in a single moment. all i knew was that i had discovered both a treasure and a mystery i had no intention of throwing away, and almost a decade later i've barely comprehended the surface area of the surface, let alone scratched it.

nine years...hard to believe. some days He was the air i breathed, other days i'd blown Him off for some boy with pretty eyes. sometimes it was all i could do not to explode with joy, other times i questioned whether He really ever loved me at all, or i, Him. but here we are. He and i. though my human condition sends me all over the place with emotions and mindsets and circumstances, i have been ruined by His love. for the rest of my life, i have no choice but to run towards it or fight against it; for it is there regardless of my actions. and i'm running hard.

but who wouldn't run toward such a life?

Let Me be your wings

Let Me be your only Love

Let Me take you far beyond the stars

Let Me be your wings

Let Me lift you high above

Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours

Anything that you desire, anything at all

Every day I'll take you higher, and I'll never let you fall

Let Me be your wings

Leave behind the world you know

For another world of wondrous things

We'll see the universe and dance on Saturn's rings

Fly with Me and I will be your wings

Anything that you desire, anything at all

Every day I'll take you higher, and I'll never let you fall

[You will be my wings] Let Me be your wings

[You will be my only Love] Get ready for another world of wondrous things

[Wondrous things are sure to happen]

We'll see the universe and dance on Saturn's rings

Heaven isn't too far [Heaven is where You are]

Stay with Me, and let Me be your wings

welcome to my life. not my dream, not my prayer, but the reality i am living in every day i am given. i pray that it is yours as well.

bed time. can't wait for His songs in my ear. :)

home alone + stomach ache = hi, 2:30am. oh, you brought along conviction? fantastic, welcome.

i haven't stayed up this late in a long time with that "just because i can" attitude that once ruled my weekends and summer breaks. a few blogs here and there have come out of sleepless nights.

i forgot how thoughts just sort of "eek out" when it's late. daily life's not around to monitor what comes out of my brain. but i don't feel like apologizing for that since you're choosing to read this voluntarily.

what else can i write that could possibly be silenced with the sunrise?

here's something. i'm not going to be scared of my music anymore. i don't care if it's amateur, simplistic, or downright bad. i don't care if i can name off fifty people within a fifty-mile radius who can sing better than me. i don't care if fifty THOUSAND people in this state alone can play guitar better than me. i've lived my life caring, comparing, and compromising over this. and i can't do it anymore.

God put music inside of me. NO, that doesn't mean i simply have a deep respect for other people's music. NO, that doesn't mean i have been mentally or physically writing songs that seem to prophetically come to me in specific words and chords. NO, that doesn't mean i obnoxiously sing or play whenever i get a chance so that the spotlight is on me.

i live my life by the definitions of music. get it?

marriage is finding your harmony. don't find someone too close or too distant...you'll either clash or be in completely different keys.

looking out the window in a driving car is a song. the distant movements, like mountains, are the foundational and basic rhythms that define the pace and the tone. the not-so-distant objects moving faster are the chords adding color, and the immediate objects you can barely see whizzing by are the melodies stringing the chords together.

my faith is the key of my life's song. all kinds of chords come and go, but every action i take should be relative to the key. no key = no foundation.

my emotions are chords. different notes and strings...different circumstances...come together to create them, and sometimes there are particular notes that define the entire chord as either major or minor...particular circumstances that make me happy or sad. focus on the notes that will continue on into the next chord. focus on the circumstances that surpass emotions.

music has rules, so long as it is called music. it is not relative, it is not subjective, it is not optional. though there are relative and subjective and optional avenues through which one moves through music, there are fundamental rules that cannot be compromised. such is life.

a song is a life. there are specific verses that come and go, build-up points, and repetitive choruses that tell of who we are and why we're here. the specific words are based on our actions.

are you getting my point? music is literally my life. if i sound angry, don't take it personally. i just don't understand why it has taken so long for me to realize that this is not a pass time, this is not a talent, this is not lust for fame or attention or compliments.

this, is, my, calling.

we are all stewards of our spiritual and practical gifts, and i have done a lousy job at harvesting this particular one of mine. i have learned music for my own pleasure, performed it when it was convenient, and gave up on writing whenever it got too odious or intimidating. i have lived for myself. lately God has literally FORCED me to sing and play for Him...people have pursued me endlessly to glorify Him through music and i have done so as a favor and not as a ministry. every single time...every SINGLE time i have done so, i have had people either asking me to play for another event as well or asking me when [not if, when] i'm going to record so that they can buy my EP.

i remember years ago giving up on this. i was staring rejection and failure in the face and i forfeited without a second thought. but my Jesus never lets go that easily. He has sought me out and refuses to allow for shadows to hide my face from Him any longer. i have given Him my leadership abilities, my relationships, my attitude, and my will to live.

but i haven't given Him my music. He reveals it inside of me everyday and i refuse to think "too much of it" or "get too full of myself" to the point of feeling called "to make something of myself" because of it. THAT would be the selfish and lustful thing to do, right?

hah. my selfishness is in all of my securities. my lust is in guaranteeing my FULL knowledge of what's coming next in life. music wipes both of those slates clean.

now, this isn't the very first revelation to the fact that i need to focus on music more. sorry friends, i know you were hoping to be the witnesses to some crazy life change in Katelyn on a very early Friday morning. i've been feeling this for months. but this is the first time i've "said it out loud" to anyone but my small group, and i feel like it's time. it's time to start holding myself publicly accountable to my calling. it isn't going to be simple, straightforward, easy, or even fun. i may personally hate every song that i write down.

but praise God for direction, even if it leads to fearful places and obstacles taunting for a fight. praise be to the Whisper given to desperate ears in their time of need. praise be to the God of my music.

don't get too hasty...this is particularly a long road. but for the first time, i am actually walking it.

sup cutestblogontheblock.com?

i felt it was time to make my blog pretty and cute. gotta give the people what they want!

let's see. lately...

i've been looking for a job, and for awhile i was dead set on living out of a refrigerator box if need be to get out of retail. an office job sounded perfect...answering phones, working with the same people everyday, NOT selling anything to anyone sounded perfect, and i'd thought i'd found that job at a retirement insurance office called Valic. the job title was "Appointment Setter/ Administrative Assistant." i would set up appointments between clients and insurance agents, manage calendars, process paperwork and forms, and doing other administrative things. it starts at $10 an hour and is part-time and offers a flexible schedule Monday through Friday. i sent in my resume about two weeks ago and can see my application status online, which for now is "Considering." hey, can't complain about that.

but then i started talking to my friend Brandon, who works at REI (an amazing recreational store). it's retail, but he had nothing but awesome things to say about his managers and the customers...not to mention the awesome discount on the best quality of outdoor clothing and equipment. apparently if Brandon refers me to his manager, i am guaranteed an interview and most likely a job. i'd start out at the register at $8.55 an hour but can get promoted easily based on performance. they're also really flexible apparently with scheduling and i'd never get scheduled when i say i'm not available (which has ALWAYS been an issue in the past).

what i'm worried about is facing the possibility of choosing one or the other. they both have their own pros and cons, and i'm not one to choose solely based on the money. but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

lately i've also been helping Chad out with working his way to the job he wants, which for now is an EMT for an ambulance company like Southwest Ambulance. i've helped him write his resume and also an essay about himself and why he's qualified for the job and what not. sometimes i pretend to make a big deal about it like i'm his slaved assistant, but i really do enjoy being able to help him achieve such a significant goal in his life, and the fact that he trusts me with so much of that process. pretty flattering. :)

i've been making a mental list of all the things i'm going to buy once i have money. here are a few...

• all the seasons of Lost, The Office, and Flight of the Conchords
• blue Vans. they're just too cute.
• the cords i'd need to record music onto Garage Band...can't keep ALL of it in the memory bank!
• canvases and paint...it's sort of addicting.
• groceries...GOOD groceries

that's it for now. time to watch Lost online. :)

it's all in the little things.

here are some things that make me pretty darn happy at the moment! this is all assuming that Jesus, my friends, family, and boyfriend are on the top already. :)

• my school - it's cute with quality, haha. it's also QUIET! it was meant for students with my personality, clearly.
• the fact that the Walmart by Chad's house sells Mexican Coke! that means it's made with sugar and not corn syrup...it is much better than Pepsi's "Throwback" attempt, that's for sure.
• the puppies in my life - i have FIVE that i see on a continual basis. the three goobers i live with, the majestic Buddy at my parents' house, and Chad's sweet old puppy Chaos. dogs warm my heart in ways that i can't explain. :)
• my Mac - it's the cutest piece of technology ever.
• YOUNGLIFE - the ministry that continues to change and challenge my heart. i think i may have to do it for the rest of my life.
• my red American Apparel hoodie...you know, the one everyone has in some shade of a ridiculous color. i know this won't be my last one.
• skinny jeans - specifically from American Eagle. it's just the right ratio of denim to spandex that makes it not too tight but not too stretchy. i notice these things.
• Starbucks music, including the noises and voices that mix into it all around the store. i could probably go to sleep listening to a recording of an hour's worth of Starbucks sounds.
• hand sanitizer.
• salt and vinegar chips.
• blogs. :)
• the combination of aviators and Rainbow flip flops...it spices up whatever i'm wearing.
• scarves, because they do the same thing.
• Tracey Beal's house. it inspires me to never stop decorating!
• my cowboy boots. sometimes i feel like they complete me. :P
• the fact that i have Southern roots...it's a culture that i am always proud to be part of, especially MY Southern family. :D
• the way an iced chai never gets old.
• the way a tuned strum on a guitar seems to light up the air in a room, bringing to attention all the beautiful waves we live in that we generally disregard.
• curling up into a ball either in a chair or in the car and being perfectly comfortable. not everyone has that luxury.
• album art on my iPod.
• college-ruled paper...and a good pen for it!
• the way people move for each other on any sort of walk way. the person is thirty feet ahead of you and they're already turning to their right/left to give you more room.
• Biology! my three classes dealing with biology and the medical field are to blame for this...the fact that we are composed of very physical substances doing very physical activities rather than being a hollow shell of spiritual fluids we call "life"...it shows me more and more the thought, effort, and care that God put into my simple existence. no one can compare.
• duets. i miss those.
• the timeless sound of a grand piano.
• the fact that no matter what the economy is like, latest fashion looks like, or latest music sounds like, there will still be weddings and birthdays. life will go on.
• the healing power of writing something down.
• the fact that there's always a beach waiting for me when i need it.
• road trips...especially the really uncomfortable and cheap ones.
• the thought of going on a date with God to Colorado for five days again this year. :D
• my baby niece and her adorable way of figuring out life.
• my older sister learning things that i can learn from too.
• the unspoken sense of humor that i share with my brother.
• sharing a house with some of the most rare and precious girls/women i know, who know no fear in ways that i have always been afraid of. but i think they learn from where i am strong and have no fear as well. :)
• good movies...like, GOOD. the directors who are trying to speak to the world, not just entertain it.
• the way the majority of people around me agreed with me this morning that today was a hoodie day.
• Philosophy and the way it gets my blood pumping through my brain...the tangly and complicated issues that never have simple answers, and knowing at the end of the day that i don't have to know the answer.
• rain, and the way it changes the entire city.
• the way God has opened my eyes to the simple pleasures of life, allowing me to have a list this long of happy things and being not even close to finished with it!

but i'll spare you all any more of that. i've been asked before why i am so happy...how i can find hope in the midst of a seemingly tragic situation. the funny thing about that is the fact that i generally feel like a not-exactly-happy and rather hopeless person...the people closest to me have seen that. and if i were Katelyn through and through, that's all anyone would see, because that's who Katelyn is. but God so loved my soul that He gave me His one and only Son, that if i let His heart become mine, i would be free from sorrow and feel the hope that is to be had no matter what is thrown into my life. that list is a list of opened eyes, a list of fighting off defeating thoughts, a list of life. they are the littlest of things that, if appreciated, satisfy some of the biggest desires the heart can have.

life is beautiful whether you notice it or not. why wouldn't you want to?

when in Starbucks...

i have some time to blog between classes, and i suppose there's enough to talk about to make it worth the effort. :P

i'm enjoying a mix of completely new artists to my ears at the moment, compliments of my fellow musical enthusiast Blair. it compliments the calm and contemplative vibe that permeates the entirety of ASU West...specifically the campus Starbucks I frequent quite often this semester. i LOVE it.

well i got an email saying my internship application [you know...the one i was flipping out about in my last blog] was transferred to Woodleaf [in Northern California] because Lost Canyon was apparently overloaded with intern applications for Ropes this year. this definitely changes things...because Woodleaf is 14 hours away. i would be completely cut off from my life here if i went...i would miss my niece's first birthday, i would definitely NEVER see Chad, and i would have to make several other sacrifices in order to make that work. this is all assuming i was even accepted. long story short...i've been encouraged to stay open to the possibility, but everything inside of me is telling me not to pursue it anymore. do i still plan on genuinely praying about it? of course. but this is at least progress in an area of my life/future that was really breaking my heart no matter what perspective i was looking at it from. at least now i know that my dream/desire to live in my favorite place in Arizona is not going to happen. no matter what is coming up, it's time to move on from that.

sort of speaking of Chad, things on that front are just dandy. :) it's a fun thing; being in the most mature/adult relationship i've ever strived for, and yet one of the goofiest/quirkiest relationships i think any of my friends have encountered. hahah i'm okay with it! i love seeing that 23-year-old wearing all the colors of the rainbow with a harmonica around his neck and a hood over his head and knowing he is mine. and hopefully he sees me with my out-of-control hair that changes colors and my earth-toned clothes and the occasional cowboy boots and thinks the same thing. :)

this semester of classes isn't killing me like i thought it would...it's about just as much as i can take, but i'm not breaking a sweat yet. i'll have to hang out at my parents' house a lot to use their PC since my professors don't use programs that are always Mac-friendly, but the only downside of that is the drive. more family time is never a bad thing!

God is really pushing growth into my life, which seems to have been a theme of His in my life for the last year or so. He works me out, i get sore, and He works me out even more while i'm temporarily malleable. the moment life gets easier will be the moment i know i'm not really following Him...He never created us to coast through our life.

that's all for now. :) love love love.

i come to You in pieces.

i think it's safe to say i do my best in life to avoid hardship...i subconsciously associate it with consequential punishment for doing something wrong. you're poor? that's because you didn't prioritize enough to get a degree for a better job. your schedule is hectic? you should have paced yourself and not let things get backed up and overwhelming. your relationships are suffering? clean up your side of the street and if it's a relationship worth keeping, they will do the same.

i have all these answers to all of life's problems, it seems. why would a sensible and intelligent person ever find themselves in true difficulty, then?

HAH. if only life was a formula to figure out. but we are a people of formulas; our systems and rules and schedules are just part of the overall machine we build onto more and more to live through. we live on a planet of purple and green and orange and yet we put our best efforts into making everything red or blue or yellow. but i am getting ahead of myself.

i am coming up to some definite hard times. some of them are my own fault, but some of them truly are not in my control. school being ridiculous this next semester is my fault; i shouldn't have taken such jokes of semesters this last year and screwed myself over for the rest of my college life. i also should have made school more of a priority than Younglife. though that is my ministry through and through, i won't be able to do much with it in the long run if i never graduate or get the degree i feel called to.

but other hardships seem to have come up simply because this is what happens in life. like i said in the blog earlier, i can now say the coolest guy i've ever known is my boyfriend, and i thank God for him everyday. if he was any less perfect for me i would still be single, and that's because i had no intention of even finding interest in a guy for a few years. that was also something i thanked God for: the satisfaction i found in solitude, which most single women i know cannot say they feel. so in my satisfaction and excitement for my life, God revealed to me several things in my heart that He intended to fulfill.

one would be interning at Lost Canyon - the moment i met all the interns there, i knew it was an experience i wanted to be part of. Summer Staff was amazing and i could only imagine the life change that would come from interning. i can't assume God will definitely give me the internship, but i sent in my application as fast as i could and now wait for a response. here's the catch: i would be there from May 19th-ish to August 15th-ish with maybe one day off a week. this was part of the allure of the entire thing at first, but now having a boyfriend changes things. three months of our relationship [that will only be months old as it is] will be virtually apart from one another. i know this won't ruin what we have; it will most likely make us even stronger. but i am taking 17 credit hours this semester and Chad is now working full-time plus over-time six days a week...our current time together feels suffocated and sparing as it is. the fact that he lives 20 minutes away doesn't help either. he says he usually doesn't work in monsoon season and that's around the time i get out of school...so the moment we're both done for awhile with our hectic crap, i'll be peacing out to live three hours away. THREE MONTHS LATER, i'll be back...heyyy just in time for another crappy semester! hopefully Chad won't have to go back to the job he has now, but if he does, we'll then be just as busy as we were before the summer. it feels cruelly synchronized and makes me frustrated to even think about. why in the world would God lead me to both a distant place for so long AND lead me to a guy who i am clearly meant to be with at the same time?

and then there's India - i've wanted India in my life for so so long. i found out i could go there through Global Expeditions NEXT summer and i totally planned on doing so. i planned on the two-month trip, of course. anything less felt not worth it. now i feel like that would be too much to handle after this summer and the following semester. even though interning felt like it would be a leap of faith, i felt like i should run for it nonetheless. but this...i'm not feeling that way about this. i can see this being something that i should lay off of. my heart for India remains, and i pray that i can somehow find myself there for awhile. maybe as this approaches as something less than a year and a half away, my heart will change and the opportunity will present itself to be more intelligent. but for now, i am saddened to say i don't see it happening. once again...why would God call me away and call me here?

it may sound like i'm becoming rather dependent on Chad, and that i'm letting our relationship rule my life rather than God. that is not the case at all...i am simply acknowledging it as a gift and a tool of God's that He has a will and a plan for. i can't disregard it as i make decisions that threaten it, and i feel that way about the internship, school, Younglife, and India as well.

and so it is...hardship inevitably awaits me and has nothing to do with something i may have done wrong. this is life. this is being an adult. it will never get simpler or easier, but i trust my God enough to know that it will indeed get better.

i pray that i enter into a new level of hope and faith as my life proceeds from here on out, and that it may be seen and felt by all who come near me.

thanks for listening, friends. :)

i didn't want anything for Christmas...God didn't care. :)

this was another Christmas full of comfy socks and family fun. my dad was finally able to get Christmas off, so we were able to celebrate yesterday rather than Christmas Eve or even the day before like we've had to do in the past.

i don't even know where to begin with everything that has changed in my life since last year. seriously...i was perfectly content and then God felt like giving me more for some reason. life has never been as self-defining as it is this very moment.

let's start in January. i started a difficult but influential semester in school...i took classes like Applied Ethics, Developmental Psych and Forgiveness & Reconciliation and i still remember specific concepts that have re-shaped my thinking on those subjects, including how i apply my faith to them. all the while i was growing even closer to my friends and making new ones as well. the months following included six-hour studying sessions at Starbucks, late-night conversations with friends about all sorts of things, moving into the cutest and nicest and best-roommate-infested house all for the cheapest rent, hiking hiking hiking, and an all-night trip to the Grand Canyon.

once the semester was over, it was turning into a fantastic summer already. a lot of swimming action, a lot of tanning ATTEMPTS, and a whole whole lot of friends. this is also when i dyed my hair red, which i already blogged about. that was a huge deal for me, haha.

soon enough July came along and i found myself driving up to Lost Canyon to be there for an entire month...never saw that coming. it ended up being one of the coolest months of my life where God wrecked me and built me up and wrecked me some more. i think everyone can attest to the fact that i did not come home the same person and am still utterly changed from that experience. this is when i met some ridiculous people from Albuquerque that i sometimes love and sometimes hate calling my friends. :P

school began again shortly after that, and when school begins, Younglife begins. i was determined to make this a semester of Clubs to remember, and was pretty much engrossed in one thing or another during every Club to make it absolutely perfect. as i was doing so, God decided to put my life on hold with a huge car accident that banged me up pretty bad...i still have to go to physical therapy for it. but yeah totally consuming myself with making Club awesome? that's the way i roll. and because of that, i didn't notice that there were two guys who were coming to every Club from Pure Heart Christian Fellowship's college group to check out what we do and become part of it; David and Chad. somehow without my knowledge, all of my friends were becoming friends with them and some started going to their college service as well.

i never knew either of them existed until i got a Facebook friend request from Chad...i didn't recognize him or know him but he was mutually friends with all of my Younglife friends so i accepted it. the next Wednesday i ended up being able to walk JUST enough to go to Club for awhile with Missy, and at one point she randomly had Chad right next to her and said "Katelyn, you should meet Chad. i think you two would have interesting conversations." haha that's Missy for ya. so i did meet him in person and we DID have an interesting conversation...it transferred to Facebook once i left Club and soon transferred to texts which then became talking to Chad everyday about everything. we started hanging out one or two times a week annnnnnd people started noticing of course. at first i wasn't sure what to say when people asked me about it...i didn't know him REALLY well so i didn't know if he considered himself becoming friends with a girl he thought was cool or if he had more on his mind and in his heart when we hung out. and because of that, i wasn't sure how i felt either. i'm not one to willingly harbor feelings for a guy if he's not on the same page...that's just unintelligent. so a big fat "I DON'T KNOW" was given to anyone who even mentioned his name in conversation with me.

then with the help of my lovely friend Rachel Patton, i found out Chad did indeed have feelings for me. at that point i could honestly admit that i was starting to have those feelings too and got excited about it! after that we hung out more and more and people asked about it more and more and we actually talked to each other several times about where we were at and what our intentions were with this. and NOWWWWW he's my boyfriend. YAY. his side of the story is ridiculously wonderful and makes me feel even luckier to have ended up with a guy like him. :) also, i never thought i'd find a guy...let alone any other person on the planet...whose favorite band is also Copeland and whose favorite food is also seafood. random and silly, those are just a few of the things that make him pretty darn perfect for me. :) he was definitely an unexpected Christmas present that came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face with wonderfulness.

those are the highlights of my year. God did work in painful, unexpected and wonderful ways. He gives me every reason to live my life for Him.

Merry Christmas my friends. i hope your year was full of as much growth as mine was.