it reminds me of the concept of a heart with a sunburn...a blistering sunburn, thanks to life. it's a cry to God for some relief, some rebirth, some revolution.
i am so tired.
i am SO tired.
of so many things.
i would love to have zero connections in this world and keep all of my pain and flaws and potential destruction to myself. and selfishly, also so that others' problems don't effect me either. because i am so incredibly tired.
that's not just figuratively, either. i'm prone to anemia and was anemic for awhile until my mom realized i was sleeping ten hours a night and also taking naps during the day. i take a vitamin with iron everyday for it, but still...i'm never quite as energized as those around me.
that may seem like a random fact to share, but it really hasn't helped with everything happening in my life right now. i see and hear and feel walls crashing all around me...all i want to do is sleep. in a world of pain and hard times, my bed is soft. in a life that has conflicting needs and wants and desires, i am allowed to need and want sleep.
left and right i feel like holding people close, screaming at them, firing them from my life, feeling so grateful for them and then hating them. HATING them. and hate is not a healthy feeling. i'm just all over the place. my relationships keep me lifted up and weighed down all at once.
i hope no one takes this blog personally. this is clearly an issue of mine and not yours. and it's time to hang out with God and talk about it a little more.
love you all. really.
"bleed one more time for me
because my heart is filled with loneliness
and this world is filled with loneliness
bleed one more time for me
because the struggles of this world are blistering"
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