Self-sufficiently good.

Last week, a friend from Phoenix reached out and asked how I'm doing out here in Nashville. It was in the middle of a smooth-sailing nannying day, and I have no complaints with school so far, so I responded with, "I'm great! Just working and doing school, how about you?"

He gave me an honest and heartfelt response that I wasn't expecting, and it made me re-think how I'm really doing if I let myself feel it.

Here's the truth, friends.

I have never felt more lonely in my life.

The past year of uprooting and moving has led to a lack in community I haven't experienced in a long time. It's only to be expected when you move away from home, stay in the new place for seven months, only to move to a new place again. Home gets used to life without you and keeps less in touch, first new place didn't experience a whole lot of you to miss (except for one or two treasured friends), and the second new place is still getting to know you.

Somehow my heart finds a way of internalizing the whole thing and becomes convinced that I am "un-community-able", that I'll be alone forever with only polite acquaintances and the occasional invite to a social event. I've cried myself to sleep believing that lie. It's a tough lie to rid yourself of when the last year of your life has practically been in solitude.

I'm on my way out of the dark. I'm signed up to go through the membership process of a church I fell in love with, and after that I'll be placed in a small group there. I'm being more intentional with time with my roommates and friends they've introduced me to. I am re-thinking where I'll be working the next two years I am in school, with my primary focus being on where I can potentially make some great friends.

These will all take time. A lot of it. My experience of moving as a kid lends me to believe it'll be a lonely first year, but things will naturally pick up if I put myself out there for connections.

J.K. Rowling said, "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

There are fewer times in life I can think of that could come closer to what "rock bottom" would feel like than this time in life. Even in the midst of actively pursuing my career and living in a wonderful city. The hardships of this past year have progressively weighed on me with little to no relief, and my future feels empty of expectation.

But what a beautiful foundation to start rebuilding on.

One free of clutter, free of expectation, free of stubbornness in any particular direction.

I have nothing to go off of. I have no reason to get in the way of the Artist.

I've had a life filled with goodbyes.

So much moving, a bunch of break-ups, a ton of closed doors.

This "rock bottom" feeling has a lot to do with who I'm leaving behind to move forward.

But if I've learned nothing else in my time on this planet, I've learned this:

Life is self-sufficiently good.

Come what may, life is good.

Come who may, life is good.

Go what may, life is good.

Go who may, life is good.

I cannot escape the beauty of living, even as I swim in a sea of goodbyes with no island of new hellos in sight quite yet.

So, let's rebuild. And enjoy the ride along the way.