becoming Katelyn.

watching Becoming Jane has always been a bittersweet experience for me. in fact i am usually in tears by the end of it.

it's not necessarily the fact that Jane Austen ended up alone her entire life. it's the thought of greatness only coming out of such a life. Edgar Allan Poe, C.S. Lewis, even Christ...they all lived tragic and beautiful lives that have changed the world, some more than others clearly.

i've always wanted to change the world. even if no one ever knew it was me. i've always wanted greatness.

but i don't want to be alone.

i recently heard something along the lines of "God doesn't want you to change the world. He wants you to be who you are."

the real Jane Austen never attempted to elope with Mister LeFroy. she fell in love with a man who soon after died, and later refused the marriage proposal of a wealthy friend. she sought to live in the country, where she could write in peace. she died in her sister's arms at the age of 41 from tuberculosis.

she chose her solitude. and i will choose mine, if i feel so called.

and God will give me greatness as He so pleases, alone or not.

so end my thoughts on the subject. :)